I had decided to do things that challenge my fear of heights. So I’m going to an outdoor activity centre set in a forest, to ‘Go Ape’. This involves walking along rope bridges, using a rope swing and travelling down zip wires. But once I arrived at the place and saw what was involed, I changed my mind about doing this challenge. In that it pushed my fear of heights too much. And so I decided to take things more gently with overcoming my fear of heights. I was feeling guilty about having any kind of fear. So tried too hard to overcome my vertigo, by trying the ‘Go Ape’ thing. I have a fear of people, that some people seemingly got offended by me having this fear. But I do want to trust people. If people get upset, that I don’t show trust as fast as they seem to want me to do, I feel guilty at being frightened of people. But I do want to trust people. It just takes longer for me to do, than maybe wanted. But I’ve decided that there is no need for me to feel guilty. Since I do love humans. And so will take the time I need, to completely trust humans.
I went out on the town bike, again, tonight. After pumping the tyres up, with a foot pump. I rediscovered my love of cycling, tonight. Even after a car driver tried to overtake me on a corner. I was going straight on and he was turning the corner into the juntion I was already crossing. He was alongside me, for most of the time. So he couldn’t of not seen me. I kept my nerve, though did shout at the car. Just showed I should believe in myself more :-). I will go on the bike, again :-).
I tried the bike, that had it’s saddle raised, out today. It went really well. The saddle was at the right height, to make cycling possible in a comfortable way :-). I remembered how to ride and stop it in a safe way, with the saddle at this height. The person who had put the saddle at a lower height, had meant well. He was trying to make it safe for stopping the bike. But was too cautious and had just made thr bike mpossible to ride. So there are times when, though a person means well, they can get the situation wrong.
When I got back from the bike ride, on that bike, I decided to try out the road bike. I went on a very quiet road, staying close to the kerb. So I was pushing myself along the road, resting my left foot on the kerb, every so often. And so cpasted down the road. In this way, let myself get used to (in a gentle way) how the bike and handle bars are arranged. It went well :-).
I had a riding lesson follorwd by a two hour ride in the forest, on the same horse. This is my idea of bliss :-). Though I had aching muscles, the next day. The lesson was spent reminding me about stopping and steering the horse. And steering at jog. The lesson went well :-). The ride went well, as well. Though, I’m nervous of travelling at jog on the horse, in the forest. Since the path has a harder surface than the school arena floor. This is a lack of confidence (by me) in my ability to stay on the horse, at jog. This confidence will grow, with time, Since I am able to stay on the horse, at jog. But overall the day was blissful :-).
It’s been over a year since I’ve cycled. Since the bike I brought (still in the packaging) from Winchester, was put together by a person who put the saddle on too low. I got it raised, today. The bolts were too tight for me to loosen. So I took it to a shop. They raised the saddle there. for free :-). But I asked which way to turn the screwdriver, if I needed to loosen the bolts, to adjust the saddle, again. They were very friendly and helpful :-). During that year I’ve lost confidence in my ability to ride a bike. But I’m determined to get it back. And so will get used riding this bike, before riding the road bike. I can do it. Just needs a bit of time :-).
I was told that I want approval. And the person seemed to get offended when I disagreed with them. I know myself better than anyone else does. But it’s their problem if they don’t like being wrong about me. What I do want is to be believed in. And so seen as a person. And so have what I say taken seriously. And have a positive interest shown in me and my passions. To go back to the title, I decided to give myself a new start by taking more control over my life. In that, I’m focusing my social life on a face to face basis, rather than on an online basis. And I bought a bike tonight. It is a road bike. I spent over an hour in the store talking to the sales person about the bike. He knows a lot about bikes. This a sports store. I felt like a person :-). The bike is for the triathlon and a physical expression of my belief in myself :-).
I registered my entry to this triathlon, today. The swim length is 400 m. The bike is 13.2 Km. The run is 3.1 Km. So it seems all manageable. Since my strongest thing is cycling, followed by swimming. And then running. I’m going swimming tomorrow, to see how far I can swim, at the moment. I have a bike, which was new a year ago. And I haven’t used at all. Since the person who put it together for me, put the saddle too low (He meant well). So I’ll look at raising the saddle, soon. Probably after the half marathon, I’m doing next Sunday. I watched the Outlaw triathlon, this morning. Makes the one I’ve entered seem “a walk in the park” lol. And one I’ll think about entering many years from now, if I ever dare to lol.
I’ve decided to enter the Blenheim Palace Triathlon in 2014. It may seem like a too large a thing for me to do, but I see it as something to aim for. And so stretch myself as it were. And in the process get fitter through the swimming, cycling and running training. It doesn’t matter, in a sense, how I do on the day. What matters, for me, is trying to do it.